Pipes as "Chick Magnet"?

There has been a belief held by some misguided pipers that members of the opposite sex (or otherwise, if you swing that way...) are attracted to the sound of the pipes being played well. Whether it's to do with the sound of the pipes, or the sight of some one strapping themselves up with so much leather is unknown. Unfortunately, practical evidence of such an effect has, to date, been sadly lacking.

Fortunately for those members of the piping community who wish to attract others with their pipes, practical experimentation by a member of the South Dingle Uilleann and Oenophiliac Society (i.e. yours truly) has proven that such an effect does, in fact exist. At this point in time, it may be appropriate for me to relate the exact events that caused me to change my belief in such a "Chick Magnet" effect.

Imagine this scene:
In a typical dingy Aussie pub, a group of musicians are limbering up their instruments, finishing off their third round of pints, and generally preparing to have a good time. They are watched by numerous pub-goers, in various stages of amazement. Off in a corner, a woeful groaning is heard, to which someone exclaims, "Go on then, man, fire it up!" "I can't, I haven't got any matches" is the reply, before the piper lets forth with all the pent up wind in his instrument.

A set of lively jigs follows, and after the last notes die away, the watching crowd breaks into sporadic applause. One member of the crowd, however, has been staring at the piper, entranced. She wanders over to the piper, who is refuelling himself with beer, says "Thankyou, that was beautiful!" and promptly plants a kiss on him, to his surprise, and the amusement of everyone else. After the laughter subsides, more tunes are had and more beer is drunk, until the piper decides it's time to really let fly.

Firing up his instrument again, he launches into the most moving slow air he knows. As the notes flow around the room, the roar of conversation dies to a whisper, as one by one the punters fall under the spell of the pipes. As the last notes of the air die away, the piper launches into a set of reels, and once again the place is jumping. As the set ends, the piper is again rewarded with a kiss from the appreciative woman, and a roar of laughter from the assembled musicians...

So, it does appear that in combination with alcoholic beverages, the pipes exert some sort of attractive force on the opposite sex. Further experimentation and fine tuning will be required, as there is no guarantee that the person attracted will actually be attractive to the piper (bit of a trap that). Of course, this could always be fixed by the piper increasing their own consumption of alcoholic beverages until the person attracted is suitably attractive...

Well here it is....

May i introduce the all new all singing all dancing all official Society Hat. A monumental effort went in to design and produce this superb example of Haute Couture, this Gem of the Milliner's Craft.
The ultimate in accessories. It will make you smarter,You will be able to play the Pipes and the violin.And Auto Harp;you will be more attractive to the opposite sex; it will cure Headaches and a whole range of other real and imagined maladies. Yes it's the ultimate in Headwear. Unique. And Scientific Tests have shown it to be beneficial in closing the Hole in the Ozone Layer.(unfortunately this Model does allow you to play the Bodhran better...that one's being tested and developed as we speak) Get one today. Members only ! (and if yer believe all that .. boy have i got a deal for yea.......)

A New Year and a New Beginning

Well the Society has set some goals to achieve this year. Personally my goal is to try every Single Malt Whiskey in my Bottle Shop. A heavy Burden and Task but one that I solemnly accept.
Well on that high note I declare the South Dingle Uilleann & Oenophilliac Society open for perpetual inbibence and wish all members continued success in their endeavours to reduce the size of the global Wine Lake .